im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
