Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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