You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize