We should be called the Road Head Warriors
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
