The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
