Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
