If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
