One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
