Ambien. No doubt about it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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