if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
