We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
