Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
