Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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