My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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