It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
