is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
