good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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