Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize