Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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