He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
