I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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