I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
