he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
