The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize