Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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