Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
