Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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