I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
