Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I would fuck him just for his dog
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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