I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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