question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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