I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
