Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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