Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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