I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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