This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
