I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
