He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize