OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
