Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
