oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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