Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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