I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
