i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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