I puked a lego.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
COCAINE IS GR8
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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