VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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