This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
