When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
