Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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