This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
