sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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