Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
