I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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