first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
