Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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