Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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