your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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