Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it hurts more in the daytime
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
