That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
