Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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