I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
