I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
