I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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