There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
