Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
