Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
