it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
