super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
