I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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