i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
