I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
