What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
