dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
