I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize