She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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